I think what is important to understand about complex ptsd is that each individual is given an opportunity to feel "safe" to step back with a qualified therapist and review their history so they can identify how they were exposed to toxic or dysfunctional behaviors from others that caused harm to them, but to do so with an understanding that it really was "not their fault". Unfortunately, as children we all are really at the mercy of the adults we are exposed to and how well the adults themselves show us respect as well as genuinely being open to our questions, but also are showing us healthy ways to interact as they themselves interact with other adults.

As children, we don't know the difference between healthy environments and toxic environments and we are totally dependent on our parents to oversee that for us. Because all children learn by observing and experiencing and doing, we are all very vulnerable to whomever we are so dependent on showing us and teaching us how to not only think of ourselves, but, how to understand human interactions that we grow to think "is right or normal".

If a child is exposed to an adult that shows them they "care" and respect, that child will begin to "experience" what that is so that child will have something they begin to understand as "positive and helpful". If that presence is not there for a child, that child simply doesn't really "know" how to identify "positive" and also how to feel "positive" about themselves as well.

A child can grow up in a "healthy" way in spite of growing up in a home with parents that are not wealthy or particularly prosperous. What "is" important is not so much the wealth of a parent as how that parent expresses that "wealth" is not the most important thing to focus on. In other words, if a parent is constantly complaining and expressing a sense of hopelessness or envy due to their social economic status, that is how a child will also feel about social economic status and may slowly determine they are "less than" themselves because of the status of their environment. Children do not know the difference unless it is pointed out to them and they are encouraged to feel bad about themselves because of it. If a parent buys a pair of sneakers for a child from a thrift store, the child will not think of that as something to be ashamed of unless they are taught to be ashamed of it.

So, when someone struggles with complex ptsd, the best way for that individual to slowly "heal" is to review the things they were somehow taught to feel or think about themselves in a way where that individual doesn't necessarily have to relive these bad messages/experiences. However, if an individual is struggling with feeling bad or having other challenging emotions, it needs to be "ok" for them to feel safe to talk about these upsetting emotions too. Often individuals who struggle with their emotions have not been exposed to an individual that would listen, validate, and guide towards learning better ways to deal with situations that present them with these emotional challenges.

Sadly, many who struggle with complex ptsd have been told or taught to think it is wrong to ask for "validation and comfort" when they do struggle emotionally. This becomes apparent when an individual talks about an emotional challenge and then says, "I am sorry" as if their challenge is inconveniencing whomever is listening. However, an individual may also become very challenged with "anger' too. This is because when someone does struggle with complex ptsd, that individual is extremely sensitive and within that sensitivity the "fight, flight, and freeze" reactions can be aroused very quickly, so much so that an individual can experience any one of these reactions "before" they choose to react with said responses "consciously".

unguy, this is the main challenge of struggling to bond well with others. Many individuals begin to "avoid" forming bonds with others because they begin to recognize how very sensitive they are and they realize that others will not understand this challenge and in that may respond in a way that only aggrivates the challenge.

However, what "can" help with ptsd or complex ptsd is for an individual to learn how they can "contribute" in spite of whatever their challenges may be. That is part of a slow healing process and is actually how human beings make gains on building their own self esteem in spite of whatever they may have experienced in their life that has traumatized or hurt them in some way.