I've done some very serious thinking and got my deepest and most buried thoughts out.I discovered something that disturbed me very much.I found out that this depression started for some reasons.

1.In my childhood i wasn't like the other kids,stayed at home because i believed i was stupid and my mother was overprotective,so i got left behind.So didn't learn many things.

2.In the first year of high school,i could feel the effects of depression so i didn't grow up,because my mind was immature and had been still under my mother's protection .Still felt like an idiot.

3.I built a strong character in just one year,at the second year of highschool,were my eyes opened and finally grew up.Happy memories only from this year.

Now,with all these in mind,i understood why all these are coming.I changed so fast that my mind couldn't stand it and my depression,making it to stop between two different characters,(this has nothing to do with DID,i just don't know how to say it elsewhere)and all my unhappy memories have gone to the surface,worsening my condition and making me realise that i needed help,because these were not normal.

And so here i am.Writing to you because i'm a bit frustrated
and a little angry,because i had to lock my abilities and myself,preventing me from becoming better and progressing in my life.

And now i'm stuck.I don't know what to do.The pdoc isn't here and i can't discuss this with him.I remembered many things and regained some of my abilities and also i'm feeling many more things.

What do you suggest?I know that all these are a bit confusing and complicated,but i can't write them in another way.