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Originally Posted by Leah123
Welcome back to the forum. I'm so glad you're feeling better.
No advice here. I think, based on the past threads and concerns you had, and the anguished back and forth, it's really important to trust your own instincts. I think you have good judgement and just need to nurture it.
I do believe that you won't have such a rough time in therapy if you see a better, more boundaried therapist, for what that's worth, so no, it won't be a repeat of the wrenching/exhilarating/hurtful last round.
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I think you are right, and I think it will be a far calmer experience.
I can't imagine being attached to this new woman. She is very nice, and I like her, but I have no need to attach to her. My emotional needs are largely being met by other people. The only room I would have for an attachment would be for a romantic partner if the right person came along. I don't want anyone else filling up my head constantly again, uninvited and unsatisfying. Ever.
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Originally Posted by Brown Owl
So glad to hear that things are going better for you. I stopped seeing my ex-T around the time you quit your T. Mine was also a bit damaging. I've talked to my new T a bit about it, she has been careful not to criticise my ex-T, but made one particular comment the first time I talked about it that really stayed with me and reassured me. I find with my new T some of the similar emotions come up in my therapy, but it all feels completely different, I think because my new T just gets me in a way the other one didn't , and gets what I need in therapy. Also the emotions don't feel so intense, they are more manageable and I don't feel the anxiety around the relationship that I did with ex-t. It's been helpful for me to have it confirmed that it wasn't me who was the problem in my last therapy, it really was my ex-T. I too was a bit hesitant to start again - I questioned whether it was going to be helpful to open up my emotions again. If you do go ahead, I wish you well.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Owl
How did it go today?
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How long have you been seeing your new therapist Brown Owl? I remember when you were finishing too. So glad you've got somebody in your corner!
Yeah it went well on Monday
I waffled on and on about Crackpot. I'm sure at times she was looking at me like wtf but she was very nice and wise and seemed to get it.
Tbh though I didn't go to the DBT skills group today. I was exhausted and had had a late night having dinner with a friend, and I was thinking well maybe I should have skipped socialising so I would have had energy to go - but then I though no way I want to enjoy seeing my friend when the opportunity comes up. The skills group is interesting but doesn't feed me emotionally in any way, so spending time with friends is more valuable.
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Originally Posted by Abby
Blimey has it been 6 months already?! Wow. I'm pleased things are much better for you. I don't think you've damaged something permanently, if anything it sounds like you've realised that the high isn't real and is actually unhealthy for you so it gives you the knowledge to learn if there is an unfortunate toxic new relationship you somehow stumble into in any part of your life in the future. I wouldn't stay away, if I were you I'd just keep checking in with myself and know I can make a decision to leave at any time if I see things are getting a bit out of hand. It sounds like you're able to see the warning signs this time around. Take care of yourself - and well done for getting support on the NHS! Thanks for the update.
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What perturbs me a bit is what if I can never forget the high? Or reconcile it and accept it as something that happened, but must never be repeated?
I really WANT intensity. I WANT to love somebody with wild abandon, to the point of madness. But I want it to be the right sort of madness, where you bring out the best in each other, not slowly destroy each other.