Every time I'm depressed I feel like that-- even though I have good friends. When I feel depressed I feel like they aren't my friends after all, that I was somehow mistaken. When I'm depressed I also feel like it's always been that way, and that I've never been up, even though I know I have. I know it would be extremely difficult for me to make new friends while depressed.

This will pass. You will feel better. As for friends... it might be a good idea for you to look at what types of people you are choosing-- people with whom you invest your precious time and emotional energy into getting to know.

Over the years I have learned how to tell which people are worth my time and which ones would be a waste. I've made mistakes, investing months and lots of feelings into sharing with people who later turn out to not be worth it (two women once turned on my when they found out I was BP)

Are you able to have therapy? It might be a good idea to look at your relationship patterns. You might be setting yourself up by choosing people who are not capable of reciprocating a friendship. So it would be a good idea to figure why you are choosing people who turn out to be abusive. This is not uncommon for people who have a history of abuse and I did it myself for years. I didn't know any different.

I am not saying this is your fault in any way or that you are somehow to blame for their actions. That is absolutely not the case. What I am saying, is that you have the power to make better decisions. You can learn how to recognize these people early in the game and ditch them before you get too far in.

I used to unconsciously choose TERRIBLE people and my life was a mess because of it. After lots of therapy, I learned enough and was interested and attracted by different traits in people. As result I am very fortunate to have some very good long term friends and am married to the most wonderful man. But it wasn't always this way :-)

The good news is that you can learn how to recognize people who are worth your time and learn how to read the red flags that should send you running for the hills. If you can't have therapy there are lots of books out there.

Anytime someone has trouble respecting your boundaries, says things to make you feel worthless, analyses you with the intention to make you feel worthless, tries to make you feel jealous or insecure, tries hard to control your behaviour--- RUN.

In the meantime, know that you will make friends. You just need to be patient. While you are waiting, use this forum, connect with people here and do everything you can to learn how to change the relationships you are choosing. Do not waste your time with a55holes :-)

And you will feel better. Hang in there.

(((((((((HUG))))))))

Lisa