I went through a suicidal depression last fall that landed me in the hospital for the first time. So I know how frightening it can be to be in the middle of one of those. Just remember, you have felt that way before and survived it, and you will again. As you know, bipolar is a cycling beast and you WILL cycle out of this depression. Sometimes it takes a while, but the sun always comes out again and you'll want to be here to see it. Hang in there...the good times will come back. ((((HUGS))))