This is why my new T is encouraging me to try all these steps. I'm still not coping well with the abandonment. I'm in so much pain all the time. I have regressed so much that my hw is taking showers....showers! How pathetic am I! And I'm still fighting SI urges. This all hurts so much. I can't really express how excruciating this is to me. I still miss her and love her. I still don't understand. I want to kill the part in me that won't let go, but I'm not allowed to.

I'm sorry. I'm just hurting.