Oh, I hate when that happens. I remember when my T mentioned that I probably wasn't such an easy child to raise (implying that it wasn't all my stepmother's mistakes/problems :-)

I think it's both, not just one or the other. It's a nice mix like "gene" traits or something. I was a shy toddler, my father actually called me "little mouse" and that shyness didn't go away or make me easy to know/help I'm sure. Adding my stepmother's abuse didn't help me but there was "Me" in there to begin with my inborn baggage and predispositions and problems. Just like I wasn't the cause of her problems (she once said, when I was an adult, that I had nearly caused her and my father to get divorced; my T quickly pointed out that their marriage problems had nothing to do with me!) she wasn't the cause of all of mine. I did a lot of things to myself I think with bad choices.