BPD and all your other related co-morbidity's are not easy to deal with.

"Many people suffer from an ANT infestation, which stands for Automatic Negative Thoughts. Our self-talk is often automatic and can be difficult to notice. We go through life making decisions and behaving based on these automatic thoughts, and instead of controlling what we think about, our thoughts control us."

Google: Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANT's) and see if there is something within that can help you understand what you are going through.

(((( hugs to you )))

Respectfully.....