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Thank you for your supportive answer. I have the feeling however that I didn't learn and grow but that I am not a nice person anymore. I feel like an empty shell, I feel small, like a helpless and vulnerable child. Completely drained of my energy, vitality, initiative and joy.
She was the reason I did everything for. For whom I do it now? I had dreams about our future, children, now all that is shattered. People keep telling me one day I will be ok again. I don't have that faith....
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Dx: Mix anhedonia with Bipolar II. Add some insomnia and chronic stress. Season with paroxetine and a pinch of ADD. Stir well to induce a couple of hypo/manic episodes. After the excess of energy is gone, remove the Paroxetine and serve chilled with some C-PTSD and GAD. Ready is your MDD.
Mx: To clean up the mess use lamotrigine, risperidon, mirtazapine and sertraline. Let it soak in for a while but keep a close eye on it. Meanwhile enjoy your desert of oxazepam/temazepam prn.
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