Quote:
Originally Posted by ChrisNet82
My girlfriend & I met online. We fell in love hard & fast. She lives in Texas, I live in Oregon. We got very close very fast, & I was afraid to share some things about my past until the time was right. I went to Texas twice in as many months. The first visit was amazing. The second visit, she found out about my past. She is very successful in her professional life,* & fiercely independent. She was physically abused by her mother when she was young, & her father wasn't around. She always shuts down completely, & won't respond to texts, calls, or emails. She does this with everyone she has problems with. She cuts them off completely. I try to engage her repeatedly, & in every way I can think of. She won't say anything. The only thing she will say is to leave her alone & that I'm smothering her, which I admit, I kind of am. I just want to get through to her. I just want to talk. I think she suffers from dismissive avoidant attachment. How do I do this? I love her & her daughter very much.
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Without you mentioning anything remotely about your past here I cannot say what her trigger is regarding you so I will respond with regards to your attempting to, as you call it, "get through to her".
First thing I notice is how quick you are to mention her challenges, her past and her possible issues but everything about you is left blank which leaves the impression that there is something you don't want us to know and that leads me to think that you're skewing the situation in favor of yourself by not even talking about you and pointing out how she has "issues" then going on to ask how do do this as if it is something that needs to be fixed or handled with her.
I may be wrong but to be honest it's how your post reads. In a nutshell if you care about someone, and they back off, tell you literally to leave them alone, out of respect that is exactly what you should do. Disrespecting people by continually making further attempts against their clear wishes will only further push them away and eventually may close the door on you.
"she suffers from _______ " last thing you should do is diagnose your loved one and try to figure out what's wrong with them. Acceptance is at the core of true love and if that's not there, it's not going to go very far. Instead of trying to figure out what is going on with her maybe evaluate what it is about your unmentionable past that you clearly think has pushed her away?
Again, I don't know what it is, but I strongly believe this is at the core of the problem and unless you address that, you're not going to get far.
Hope this helps.