Quote:
Originally Posted by scorpiosis37
Showing up at her door, in another state, after she has asked you to leave her alone is actually quite frightening. I think it's great that you are in therapy and you should probably talk to your Therapist about how to understand and respect other people's boundaries. The checkered past aside, I think the bigger problem here is that she asked you to leave her alone and you continued to call her at work, show up on her doorstep, etc. You focused on what you wanted from her, rather than on what she wanted and what she was asking for. You also seem to have created this perfect fantasy relationship in your head that does not match up with reality. You thought that if you showed up, it would be like it is in the movies--- but that isn't real. In real life, when a guy shows up on a woman's doorstep, it's scary.
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That's very true. There's also a conversation that her & I had about how when she gets quiet, men had always left her & she always wanted someone to show some backbone. I tend to go over the top with romantic gestures, & thought it would help. I was wrong. I already know that. I'm already talking about this with my therapist. She also would send me texts saying she missed me, & would then go silent. I thought she was reaching out. I already know that I assumed things that were wrong. I already know how I messed up. I know what problems I have & how I need to work on them. That's why I started seeing a psychologist. I don't want to make mistakes again. I feel like this isn't very productive. I'm trying to learn about something I don't understand. Not be reminded over & over how I messed up. I already know that. I'm looking for information on dismissive avoidant attachment from someone with experience with it, not a know it all telling me what I already know about how the mistakes I made in my time of distress & anxiety. I accept responsibility for pushing her away, & have apologized. I want to understand what she is going through since she can't tell me. I want to hear from someone with knowledge & experience in that particular area. Thank you for your input, but I'm not finding it productive or helpful.
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