I've had multiple traumas over the course of my life, so I guess keeping going just was just what I did. I think I watched my parents, who lost a baby to cancer and then had another daughter with cancer that consumed a good portion of 10 years or so when I was younger. Keeping on with life just had to happen. It wasn't an option. I saw them suffer and cope and all the while keep on with life with amazing strength. Having their resilience as that model for me certainly helped.

Trauma comes in many forms, and I've just learned it takes time to heal and that's okay. It doesn't have to be all better all at once. I can't put my kids on hold while I work on myself; I have to keep being an attentive and nurturing parent. I can't put my marriage on hold while my trauma heals; I have a commitment to be there for and with my husband. I can't put my career on hold until everything has come to closure; I have to make a living and my career brings a great deal of pleasure that is in itself healing. I can't put my life on hold until I heal. If I had done that, I wouldn't have even started my life until about two years ago, and I'm 52.

Did I feel great through all of it? Of course, not, but life is painful at times, very painful at times, excruciating at times. But pain doesn't negate the ability to find pleasure in life. Pain didn't keep me from having beautiful relationships with my husband and kids. Pain didn't keep me from being able to keep on. I didn't let it.

Did I go through personal mental health crises while I continued with my life? Oh boy, yes. I've been hospitalized 15 times in the past 12 years. I've been through ECT twice. I've been on more med regimens than you can imagine. But even through all of that, I kept on with my life. I had to. The only option would have been to kill myself because the pain and mental health issues were not going to go away simply -- and I contemplated that and even attempted that more than once. But I have an adoring husband, three amazing sons, a family that loves me deeply -- I realized I had to continue with my life while I continued to work on my healing.

I thank God I survived and kept moving forward with my therapy and my life because now, finally, I have reached the other side. I am so grateful I kept my life moving because so much would have been lost if I chucked it all in or simply sat paralyzed, afraid of experiencing the pain. Pain is hard and inevitable, and it is survivable except in the most extreme of circumstances. My parents taught me that and it has kept me continuing forward with my life through everything I've been through in my past and through all the pains that I experience here and now.

So, I guess I didn't just sit there with the pain. In fact, the times I did just sit there with the pain were the times I let it get too much control over my mental health. The times I've been healthiest, even in the midst of great pain, were the times I pushed forward with life, dedicated my time to my family and friends and stayed determined to honor my own resilience. Sometimes it felt like I was faking it in the moment, but I gained so much from the life around me that I continued to participate in. I would have missed so much if I had just stayed sitting with the pain. I had to work around it and with it and through it.