Once T said that it was me putting her at a distance, and me flashing back to putting my adoptive mother at a distance, I was over taken by guilt that I was unable to love, like my adoptive mother had always told me.

T said "no, though you put your adoptive mother at a distance, it was her job to get you back, something she didn't do"

I've been wondering what the tears were for on Friday, and I think some of them were for the loss of love I had for my adoptive mother, as T said, I did start of loving her.

I'd not realised just how complex and creative our minds are, whilst I've spent my life thinking people are either disliking me or loving me, I see now that its partly my thinking that says they hate me or love me, and the locus of control is more inside of me then outside.

So many yrs I've clung to people, now its like they hold no power over me. I'm looking within myself for what I need more now!