will be long...

I left my home in So. Cal 2 1/2 years ago in search of a better life. After a year on the east coast didn't work out, I came to Houston. Here it is easier to find a job. However, other things are harder. I'm a road cyclist and used to be very active. USED to be. I now work in a bike shop because I have been unable to find a professional gig to match my skills. So I support myself in a very very very blue collar arena. I've heard racist, sexist and homophobic language and been exposed to ideas and utterances that would have seen many a fool fired back home. Don't get me wrong, there's no seriously overt ****, but it's still there. the "benefits" provided by this company are that in name only. They are obviously the bare minimum they have to provide by law. I used to stock up on my meds back home by getting them filled 3 months at a time, but this crap insurance won't pay for that. So I have to keep going back to the pharmacy every month. STUPID!!!!

I'm forced to tool around on my mountain bike on short rides on the greenbelt trails because there's no bike lanes on the street like I'm used to. I convinced myself when I got here in Jan. 14 that it would be worth it so long as I got a good job and beefed up my resume. Well, despite a couple of close calls, still no prof. job. I'm damned tired of it. all. My depression got worse out here. I got behind on my bills because of crap pay so now my credit is shot. I had really good credit before I left home.

I'm now going to move in with a room mate. She seems nice, but I'm not a kid in college. I should not have to do this.

If I see another confederate flag, I may go to jail. Who flies that crap anymore. It's a slap in the face.

I'm tired of seeing news about police 2 major screw ups in this great state, where members of my community end up traumatized or dead because their training sucks. But I guess you get what you pay for don't you? See cops where i'm from are usually well educated and well compensated. They aren't trying to lose their job over stupid ****.

****ing mosquitoes. mutha****ers!!!!!

My car is old and needs to be replaced, but see the above complaint, no money.

I now have Adult ADD. So now I'm on yet another pill. I will say this, I am more focused. Let's hope it helps me get my life together.

My mother wants me to move back home wiht her to CA and start a Masters program. What's wrong with that you ask? Well 10 years ago, I would have thought it an excellent idea. But now, I'm mid 40s, and the thought of taking on school debt that may not pay off, scares me shitless. I'm also terrified that I no longer really have a future. I'm in good physical health, but whos to say employers will want to take a chance on someone close to 50 even with a Masters?

Have I mentioned rednecks and mosquitoes?

I walk into places like HEB and cant' get a quick vegetarian sandwich. WHAT YEAR IS THIS??????

Just shoot me now.