I somewhat understand. I understand what the poster said about T not being the same person we know in therapy, but I also understand wishing you could be a part of your T's life. Earlier this week, I saw a picture of my T on a website for a yoga studio. She's an instructor there (must be a new instructor, as I'd never seen her listed there before). I felt sad. WHY? Part of me wishes I could know her in THAT surrounding. Not this T/client relationship crap. Because of dual relationships, I couldn't attend her classes. I was really sad to see that, not sure why. Except that I wish I'd met her under different circumstances. We have so much in common. Big difference between you and I, I see my T twice a week, and have for over a year. Although she's on vacation right now so I have a two week break. And I'm ok. I'm thinking about her today because it's her birthday, but I'm not missing her. Not like other vacations, where I have. Although it seems whenever she's gone, I think more and more about working on a termination letter. I have one written, from back in May...but I started another one. Suppose just doing that helps me figure things out. But, I very much understand therapy depression. I am more depressed now, for added things, than I ever was before I started therapy. But I keep going, because I'm attached, and even though she's made some questionable decisions and hurt me, I can't imagine not having her around. Masochistic....perhaps. But I am angry with her, and quite fond of her, all at once. I don't wish she was my mom. I don't have ET. But I do like her as a person a great deal. And I would terribly miss her if I left. So I have to weigh the pain I feel now vs the pain of not having her at all, and I think like you. I want to learn to accept the role she has in my life and be happy with that. Because, she's probably worth so much more to me as a T than she would be as a friend. It's still hard. I missed my first of four sessions I'll be missing with this vacation today....and honestly, I was busy this afternoon and didn't even think about it. But for some, it hurts more in the beginning, then fades. For me, I'm thinking next week will be the tough week. Maybe I'm wrong. Guess I'll see...