My life is horrible. All I ever wanted of my adult family life was a loving husband, good kids, a nice home, and good jobs. All I got was an abusive cheating husband first marriage, with an ODD, ADHD kid. Remarried a man my parents approved of and he was lazy, uninterested, etc. We had a child and she is the good kid I wanted but he got custody in the divorce, because I lost my mind. I taught her to ride her bike, I taught her a lot of things, because he's neglectful. Now I'm losing contact because my new husband has completely destroyed any ounce of normalcy I had.

I don't know what to do anymore, I'm tired of fighting an endless battle of just trying to be normal. I'll never have the life I wanted. And I'm tired, I just want it to end. I'm legally homeless, married to a man who is not affectionate, withhold sex, belittles me which he considers constructive criticism. I really hate the choices I have made leading me off course in life, and I'm 41 now. My hope is gone. No one will hire me, I'm always broke, my family hates me, I'm a complete pain in their ***, as well as a financial drain, for which they have cut me off.

Part of me wants cervical cancer because that's generally a killer, or so I thought. Recent research says otherwise. Living is so hard. Even if I divorce the 3rd husband, where would I go? My family wont help me out of any more messes I've created. My credit is gone, can't even get bankruptcy filed, so what housing can i get? I'm falling apart, physically and emotionally. I prayed to zGod to take me. I just want out.