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He tells me, "Ok. The whole time before you got angry, I think there was a really strong connection. Then when you got mad at me, I felt hurt because we lost that."

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I see red flags too. This doesn't seem right to me expecially since he knows about the erotic transference. I think connection is very important, but he is telling you he feels "hurt" because "we" lost that?

Even from a non erotic standpoint, a therapist is generally concerned not to dump their own feelings onto the client so that it doesn't interfere with the therapy. A client hearing this might fear hurting the therapist in the future if not "connecting". Or a client might feel worried about expressing anger. The client should never feel she has to take care of the therapist's feelings.

I do think it's important for a therapist to self disclose, both information about themselves as well as their feelings. But it must be done in an appropriate way, and only in the client's best interests. It really should not matter that your therapist is hurt over the loss of connection in the moment.