Quote:
Originally Posted by kray_bray_may
Does anyone ever experience a crushing feeling of loneliness?
There are so many people in my friends list on social media and contacts list in my phone, but I can reach out to precious few of them. I feel so extremely alone, especially on my hour long bus rides to and from school. There are so many people around, but I feel completely alienated from them.
I used to like getting to know people and having them open up to me; since then something has changed and I feel absolutely no interest in getting to know people. I don't care to get to know them.
I'm feeling really isolated and yet I have no desire to reach out to anyone. The feeling is a combination of can't and don't want to. The longer isolation goes on, the harder it becomes to reach out.
Sometimes I want to cry, but I can't because I've dammed up all the feelings. I try to repress all feelings, but they come breaking through. I'm good at repressing happy feelings though. I do not trust happy feelings, not to mention the disappointment and discouragement when they're gone is not worth it. I'd rather operate on a stable, if negative, plane rather than swings. However, I'm not feeling good.
I'm not feeling good. I'm not feeling well.
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Firstly, I am so sorry that you're feeling this way. I feel very similar, and I hate seeing anyone else who has to go through anything like what I am. To date, there are 3 people who really know about my depression, one of whom I only told a few days ago and who is extremely busy, and another who lives across the country from me. The last is my best friend. These people, especially the last two I mentioned, have helped me immeasurably.
But there are hours, days, weeks even, sometimes, when none of them are available. When those three people aren't, I'm suddenly surrounded only by people I need to hide myself from, and my own thoughts, which are frequently mental loops of self hatred. In those times, I get extremely lonely.
Sometimes I try to write out my feelings in my journal, but that has only ever helped me minimally. Better I find is to come here on PC and either respond to threads, make a new thread, or join a chat room. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. PC has offered me some relief, and I hope it can offer you some too.
