Hi

I lived with depression and anxiety for most of my life. I also have intrusive thoughts.

I'm a man in my early forties. I live with my elderly mother, partly, as an unofficial carer and I often feel stressed. My life isn't pleasurable and I sometimes feel suicidal.

I've joined this forum to get some feedback on my behaviour which I expect might be an anger fit, or a panic attack.

It's happened several times sporadically over the years, but the last one I had was the worst of all. It begins with anger when things get on top of me and I might knock something over or chuck something across the room. I then start shouting and screaming, quickly progressing to repetitive chanting, which I can't seem to break out of for at least ten minutes. I drop to floor or bundle up against a wall. I start crying and feel disassociated from myself. I don't blackout, but afterwards it doesn't feel real, like it didn't really happen. When I've calmed down, my head feels thick and clammy. I feel I need to go to sleep. It's embarrassing for me as it is alarming for everyone.