Thank you. I know I am very stubborn and hard headed, but also try to see the other side of the fence. So, perhaps my personality gets me into the argument or situation, then it feels like my mind and body take over by themselves. I always thought I was going insane when the outbursts began--I can think to myself "don't be so upset", and try to fight with myself from totally losing it. The crying, screaming, heart racing, flight response, all feel instinctual and primal. Which, perhaps if I was in grave danger would make sense. But, feeling like that when someone says a snide remark to me...a little overkill.

By being open minded, I have learned I can control most of these outbursts. However, they also occur when something uncontrollable happens(dealing with death of a grandparent, miscarriage, slapped with divorce papers, etc.). I do try my own distraction techniques if I don't have say a pint of ice cream to rely on. I will go for a brisk walk, clean, take a shower, and/or listen to particular music.

I was just wondering about medication because I am afraid my techniques won't work anymore. It just seems sometimes it takes forever to calm down. I did not think I was doing well at all tbh. When people say recovery, does that mean your illness is very well controlled? I know I can't entirely be fixed...but I do feel 90% better with my current medication. It is just frustrating to go from "normal", almost forgetting that annoying bipolar pest in your mind, to an uncontrollable outburst or depressive/manic/mixed episode.