Feeling worse today. Spent some time in my mind exploring a few things to see if that was affecting me currently. Mostly it seemed self indulgent, and some of it just left me feeling really bummed.

In the end, I was left with thinking that if I can live my current life part-time and find something new to be excited and passionate about, that would be good. Then I come back to motivation doesn't matter when you've got self-discipline. So there I am again. How do I make myself do stuff anyway? I've considered a reward system. Haven't hit on one I think would work yet. Most of the rewards I want are in conflict with something else. Really, I just want to run away. Start a new life. It sucks that I'm a grown-up and have to consider others.