Quote:
Originally Posted by raspberrytorte
If you weren't a writer I was going to ask you if I could steal those ideas for my own writing. Lol!!
It sucks. Paranoia is the worse. My delusions are always simple (well, the grandiose one). Make more positive energy, save world. It was starting to come back, even if I'm not in an episode, but I think the geodon is starting to chip away at all my paranoia and delusional stuff.
You may feel worse when you leave the hospital because at home there are all sorts of reminders. Like before I left the hospital last my husband picked up my writing area for me because there was collage tornado everywhere. And that would have been triggering. Maybe get rid of or reorganize or change something in your home that triggers paranoid memories, things related to your delusion (like I had wall to wall collages and eventually had to take them all down).
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When I'm in the hospital we are not allowed to listen to music unless it is part of group therapy. So when I come home....my being especially obsessed with music for the past few months...I immediately start listening to music again practically 24/7. Which perhaps that is a trigger for me. But how does one avoid music? I don't really want to avoid music. Like right now I'm listening to my iPod and for the past few hours I've had one of the greatest musical experiences of my life...I can hear every single part of each song and not just the song as a whole...it's like my mind slows down the song so I can hear every sound, ring, beat, percussion, and overall the music is extremely enhanced almost like when I smoke a lot of weed and I'm completely aware of every little everything. But anyway it's extremely enjoyable at the moment and I don't want it to stop...but I know eventually I'll start to get paranoid and have a lot of anxiety. It's weird how parts of my psychosis is good and most parts of it are bad, but the parts of it that are good are so great that I am completely and utterly devoted to it and the music.
Another trigger is probably caffeine. And staying up all night. Probably!