Hi enigmatic -

Please do try to find someone to talk to. If you really don't want to talk to someone you know you can call a rape crisis center or a suicide hotline and they will talk to you and you can be anonymous - that's a start.

You are young enough and you have admitted that you don't think you have started acting out because of this, but the longer you keep it in and not deal with it the more likely you will participate in dangerous behaviours that are harmful to you.

I don't necessarily mean dangerous as in getting killed (although some people do get this deep in) - but even dangerous in that it could harm your mental health and start new habits that will take years to break.

I supressed my abuse until I was 25 and by then I did have many issues that were in my life because of it. But, you can get through it and you can recover. I have! It took alot of work, but my abuse is in it's proper perspective and when things come up now (memories) I can look at it, process it, and let it go because I know what it is.

PM me if you ever need to - there is hope!

Tranquility