Since starting geodon, my delusions have been slowly fragmenting away. I believe I've been somewhat psychotic for the last couple of months.

I've always believed in the power of positive affirmations. But over the last couple of months I took it to a whole new level. I would go the park, write down a positive affirmation over and over again (I went just a little obsessive with it), write down positive affirmations on paper, wrap the paper around rocks and throw the rocks in the water. I thought the river was a magic river and that whatever I threw into it would come true. I thought I had a magic pen (so I always had to use the same pen!). This is embarrassing, but it's what I believed. And I didn't know that this was a delusion... the whole river being magic thing. It was like when people get hyper-religious, except mine was hyper-energy or something. I would get rejection after rejection for short stories and for queries, but it would always just make me get frantic to do more, like I just needed to go do some more positive affirmations... at the river, with my pen. I have an entire notebook filled with just "I have an agent." over and over again.

Anyway, so the above delusion was shattered away yesterday morning.

It feels like waking up from a really beautiful dream, that you thought was real at the time, and when you realize it wasn't real you feel sad.

I still feel there's a negative entity following me around everywhere and haunting me, but I've had some anger lately, and I feel the anger is me outwardly casting away this demon.

I feel like a puzzle, and the puzzle pieces are being taken apart.

Tonight my husband is going to be out late, and I'll be home alone, so I guess I'll just have to see what happens regarding my paranoia/hallucinations. I hope I DON'T have a paranoia attack.

I just feel sad. I don't know if anyone else has felt this way when starting an AP, and having delusions slowly stripped away?