Sometimes it not such a bad thing to reply to the kindness of strangers, perhaps in this case to meet on neutral ground, a cafe or local event perhaps, to see if you can get on.

I find it helpful to breakdown into words what is holding me back: she doesn't want me in her midst - how do you know? She just asked you; I will just say uncomfortable things - well say them it is not the end of the world of you don't get along, and she may agree or just be sympathetic; I have nothing to say - likely she will do much of the talking so you can consider your words; You recoil from daintiness - if she is so very dainty you won't get along, but perhaps she is not as dainty as she looks.