I'm 35 years old, female. Married for 17 years have an 11 yr old son and I feel completely useless. I've always suffered from depression, as long as I remember. I've had been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and/or possible bipolar. Never got a definitive answer on that last one. I'm on 150mg of zoloft (or the generic form) and xanax as need .5mg. I've been on this medication for over a year, and I thought I was doing good.

But I feel like I'm sliding down a hole I'm never going to be able climb out of. I work full time, 32 hours a week, I do a weekend shift. I also do transcription and survey stuff at home for extra cash. My husband is disabled (from mental problems also, anger/depression, ptsd) So I'm the sole cash earner, I mean, he does get social security, but...

I just want to be happy again. I get so irritated with everything. I've tried a medication increase, not helping yet. I would rather feel numb than like this. I have no friends. I mean I am slightly sociable and pleasant around my coworkers, but I wouldn't consider them friends. How do you make friends at this age, with so many problems. I feel so worthless.

My son is slightly autistic, which causes him to have problems handling emotions, especially getting upset. So this is extremely hard for me to see, and I have a hard time trying to be positive with him about this subject because I know how awful it is to be alone. All I have is my family. I want him to have more. But he suffers because of his parents, we're not social so that's hurting him. I don't know what to do. I feel so uncomfortable doing anything in public. I'm always afraid people are judging. It seems to get worse with age.

I'm not really looking for a solution, maybe just a rung to the ladder to pull myself out of the dark place, because every time it lasts longer and longer.

Em