Hi.

Been a while since I logged on. Was hoping I wouldn't need to, but I find myself dealing with some issues now.

For the past two years I've been on a fan forum with a fairly large community. Not so large that it's overwhelming, but not small. At first things were great. I was happy, but after a while things started to get crappy.

I thought it was just me, and still think it's probably just me. I'm not always the easiest person to get along with it. I tend to get irritable and angry over stupid things. My form of expression doesn't always get across and people misinterpret me. And I apologize to the point where my apologies don't mean jack to anyone anymore, but I'm starting to wonder how much of it is really me.

The people on the forum can be snarky and insufferable at times. When they're not being snarky they're over-sensitive. I'm at a point where I feel like I can't be myself around them anymore. I find myself always having to clarify when I'm joking and I spend more time filtering my speech than actually posting. I tried leaving multiple times (to the point it's become a running gag) and it's just perceived as me 'taking my ball and going home' because I'm not getting my way. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't. Despite these feelings I always end up going back even if it's not in my best interest. The place is addicting.

Of course, they'd never stop and think maybe some of them are at fault. It's just all my fault. Even though that community is the only place I frequent these days where I find myself being constantly irritable and angry all the time. And I know there are several people out there who go, "That place is horrible" when I bring it up elsewhere. Maybe it is my fault for staying on the site. I managed to finally cut ties with another place that was bad for me, maybe in time I'll be able to do the same for this place.

I know, at the end of the day all of this doesn't matter and I have bigger problems if something so trivial can stress me out, but this is where I find myself.