Hi Vicky. Welcome to Psych Central. So sorry for what you endured and experienced in your relationship. No one should have to go through it. But it sounds like you are trying to deal with it. But it is hard without a therapist, psych doc and guide. Is your friend just refusing all professional assistance? If so that makes the caregiver's, which it seems you are becoming, job nearly unmanageable. It seems like Psych Central might help you fulfill some of your contact with caring people. Working with a person in depression that is resisting treatment and not cooperating in a relationship is a heavy load to carry.

You sound like you are assuming full responsibility. That is a difficult posture to sustain in the long run without much professional assistance. The ways that friends have found is to lower their expectations of what they will get from the relationship, and take care of their own needs first giving the other person what is available after their own needs are met emotionally and intellectually through other resources.

Many people find the forums and the articles helpful. Here are some forums.
Survivors of Abuse - Forums at Psych Central

Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems though still there are more manageable.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.