HI DORI

First off, welcome. I think you'll find the people here friendly and willing to help.

You asked if what you said made sence. Yes it makes perfect sence and your not alone when you say things like not wanting to give up or giving away your control. You know a lot of us here have had some pretty bad things happen to us in our lives. So i just want to say a fue things about all you have said.

Maby your not bipolar. If so your lucky. Maby you can deal with this all on your own with no doctors help. That would be great as well. But let me just say that i've been right where you are. I thought i would never get better and there wasn't a chance any doctor could help me. Well that time has past and im the best ive ever been.

You tend to us the word "crazy " when you refer to BIPOLAR. You know there has been times in my life i thought i was going crazy and yes i am bipolar as well as recovering PTSD. Heres my take on crazy.

Some of the most so called normal people who i've met in my life seem a lot more crazy than ive ever seen my self as being. I see the word " CRAZY " as being a very broad statement. For me , yes im bipolar but im also one of the most stable well rounded people i know. Its all in what you make it. I could have let my fears and frustrations take over but if i had i would probably be in my grave right now. I beleave a persons behavior and who they truelly are as a person can not be deffined solely by there illness . There is the illness and there is the person. I have bipolar but it deffinately is not who i am.

No matter who you are in life, you are a comination of things. These things deffine how you treat your self and others. Saying bipolar illness makes a person crazy in my deffination is a cope out. If i had to deffine crazy , i would say crazy would be knowing you truelly need help and have a mental illness and not getting help. To me that would be crazy, and i'm not refering to you, i'm speeking in general. I can see you have some choices to make. I hope your able to find your self and make the right ones and start the healing prosses. Life is to short to fight help if its there for you. I'm sorry about your mom but trust me when i say bipolar is not the end all.

Good luck Jacqui :-))