I'm sorry things went so off the rails with you and your therapist and it distressed you so much that you felt the need to cancel all future appointments. The loss you're feeling about terminating is pretty common. If you've read any of the other posts about ending therapy, you'll see that sadness, constant thinking about the therapist, ambivalence etc. are something most people feel when they leave a therapy situation.

I do think from what you're saying that your therapist might have been poor at setting good boundaries with you. Although many therapist allow texting, emailing and phoning, they usually keep that kind of contact for emergency situations. If you found yourself contacting her through these means frequently, daily, several times a week etc, her suggestion that you take a DBT group might have been a solid therapeutic suggestion. I understand about not having the financial means to take the group and when she convinced you to take it you felt resentful, but I do think that she might have felt that you weren't getting a full benefit from straight "talk therapy". If you continued to spiral into emotional upheaval and were so unstable that you needed to be hospitalized, she would be remiss as a therapist NOT to suggest more supportive services. DBT is a good place to get that support because it attempts to teach us how to "self-soothe" and deal with emotional overwhelm. It often doesn't, however, solve everything and we continue to need the support and guidance of our therapists.

I do think that her comment about you needing to pay your bill or she won't stay motivated in the helping role was more than a little inappropriate. I get it that she might have been frustrated if you were regularly late at paying your bill or you had built up a big balance, but she needed to address that directly and not add the little "motivated" part in at the end! I do understand that therapy is expensive and it often put me in a tight spot financially, but I tried to think about it from my own perspective of work and getting paid. If my boss constantly told me that he was going to pay me but not this week, even though pay day was designated as Mondays, and he continually paid me late, I'd feel resentful and angry. Therapists are caring people, BUT we are their work. They like what they do (many do anyway) and they deserve to get paid when they are suppose to--mine always expected payment (co-pay) at the beginning or end of the session. Missing once or twice is okay, but if it happens on a regular basis, that isn't okay . . . just as it wasn't okay for her to talk about being unmotivated if she isn't paid.

Sometimes when we're in a relationship with a therapist who is poor at setting boundaries, we tend to continually test the weak boundaries to see if he/she really cares. It's a way of seeing if we are special to the therapist and they will do anything to keep us safe and secure. One of the ways that happens is to leave the relationship, to terminate and then have a small secret wish that the therapist will call and coax us to come back. Some therapists will call to encourage a client to return, but most will not. And it's important, in most cases, that they do not call. Going to therapy is really your decision--you get to decide if it's helpful or not. If you feel that you might have made a mistake and you still feel that you want to work with this therapist, I suggest calling and making another appointment. Go in and talk about how her comment about staying motivated caused you to feel the relationship had become about money. If she's a good therapist, she'll understand that her comment about motivation was ill timed and wrong and she'll apologize. But also be prepared for her to talk about her need to have you pay on time. Our therapists are doing the work because they care about mental health, but it truly is how they live--they provide a service and we pay them. Your other option, if you truly feel that you don't want to work it out is to find another therapist--the thing to look out for is if things begin to go in the same direction as they did with this therapist. In other words, if you begin to feel the same feelings (he/she is only in it for the money, he/she really doesn't care etc.) then you know this is something you need to deal with directly in therapy because it's a "theme" for you in your relationships with people. Good luck with whatever you decide!