I was terminated due to a bad rupture, long story, and that was about 8 months ago. I´ve been searching for a new T since then, I´ve seen about 15 T:s for evaluation. I was about to start therapy with two or three of them but things happened along the road and I found out after a few sessions I didn´t want to continue seeing them.

The old T offered me a session to talk things through after the rupture but I couldn´t handle it and we therefore ended therapy by phone. It was a call just to talk about practical issues around ending therapy.

Before the rupture I felt the therapy was rewarding, I liked, and still like the T. I think of her daily, in the beginning I cried for several hours a day and now later on I´ve realised that I didn´t cry just out of longing for her, I cried because I lost a way to find more of my own self.

I still regret I didn´t see my T for the session she offered and as I felt she understood me and I also knew she partly had had similar problems as myself I feel I would want to start therapy with this T again.

But this T told me she thought I should choose psychoanalysis instead. I went to T:s with a psychoanalytic orientation but that didn´t feel right. I don´t have the money to attend psychoanalysis anyway.

I´m not angry about the things that was the beginning of the rupture, I just feel it was a real pity that we couldn´t solve things. This T helped me to seek for funds to be able to finance therapy and before the rupture she never talked about ending therapy or not being the right T.

I feel it´s so much at stake, I need therapy and I´ve searched for so long and I´m now thinking of writing a letter to this T, explaining my situation during the months that have passed and ask her if we can start therapy again.

The hard thing isn´t asking, it´s waiting for an answer that most likely will be "no we won´t start therapy again". I´m not at all interesting in seeing her just discussing the rupture and then say goodbye again.

How to reason around this? Is the right thing to "take a chance" and contact her or not?