It's true, I did. And it did help to hear from others about it. Although I don't need anyone else to tell me that I'm crazy and that he is gone because of it. If I were not crazy, he would not have just up and abandoned me.

Last email he wrote I had been telling him about how I felt doomed - like my situation would never get better (I had just been fired from my job). He said that he could not accept doomed. He said he had known people who were terminally ill that still had a good outlook on life. I wrote back and asked him if he had a terminal illness. I never heard from him again.

I have picked everything apart a lot and tried to analyze it of course. So I wonder if he saw that as a narcissistic thing of me to ask (like I would not ask that if I were not a narcissist b/c of projection or something) and so he ran. Like I was the most repulsive thing ever to him (in my mind, narcissism is pretty repulsive, sorry - but only as it relates to me... if it is someone else, I look at how that was formed in their life and am much more understanding about it). I doubt he could see that I was just trying to know him, have a relationship with him, and learn anything about him and his life. Well anyways, I still wonder... Why that email? Why stop communicating then? What did I do that made him go away? What could I do to bring him back?

The other thing I worried about is if he did have a terminal illness and couldn't tell me. So then I worried about that and I guess I will not know now. He did tell me once he had cholesterol issues and that they were genetic and there was nothing he could do about it. So I was already concerned about his heart health. I've thought about his health a lot and prayed for him and his health and his heart. Most recently, I've wanted to send him a care box with oatmeal and "heart health" tea (has hawthorn berries, is an herbal tea) in it. I think about doing that often, or some other gesture of love, or whatnot. But I know I can't anymore. I hope he is okay.