Okay - so now I can see some of how it has affected you. You are worried about schools, grades, siblings, living for others, and worrying about someone being in pain from hearing your pain.

Boy, it reminds me alot of me when I was younger. Guess what? No matter how much you want to forget, it won't work. You may not consciously think of it but it will eat away at you and they you will jeopardize your education, your grades, and your relationships with others.

I don't want this to sound harsh, it's just that it's what I did for so many years. I always made sure everyone else was happy when I was dying inside. Believe me when I say it's not worth it! Eventually all those other people will be just fine even if you don't do everything for them, but you will be feeling more and more like a shell.

Finally, you are NOT contaminated or sloppy seconds. You were a victim of someone elses bad actions. It's true, you don't want to go broadcasting to everyone and your smart that you want to protect yourself. However, if you spoke to a professional or a close loved one, they will not see you as you describe. They will support you and tell you that it's not your fault.

If you want normalcy (whatever that may be for you) the only way to get it is to go through the blockades first. I'm sorry if it seems I'm going on about this, but it's hard for me to see others go through what I went through and think the way I thought when I know it doesn't need to be that way.

Tranquility