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Greetings Everyone,
I have been suffering from existential depression and negative thoughts for eight months now and nothing seems to work. I have tried medication, CBT Therapy with seven therapists, I have tried playing a wide range of sports, walking, hiking, seeing friends, trying new hobbies, etc. I have never felt so low in my life, that I keep thinking suicide is the only answer. I'm twenty-four and I still have not graduated from university because of my mental health and depression disorder. I'm at the end of my rope here and I do not think I can hold on much longer. I do not know how to look at the world positively, when the world is full of violence, famine, war, racism, poverty, and lack of critical thinking as well as empathy. I have grave difficulty connecting with peers in my age range. I'm a self-philosopher and I think way too much about the world's problems. I rarely laugh and take life lightly and enjoy the simple moments without deep reflection. I constantly crave intellectual stimulation all the time; perhaps I do not need it all the time, and this is what is causing so much of my depression. I feel fatigue all the time. Little enthuiasum for life and intellectual hobbies such as wrting, reading, debating, chess, and poetry. I find most people boring. I find most people cannot think critically or do not like their views challenged and this is frustrating. Where can I find open-minded people? How can I live in a life of ignorance and bliss? I cannot. I feel that I cannot connect with many people because of my thinking process and hobbies. How can I accept and love everyone for who they are, no matter their background? I do not know how to fit in. I do not like authority and many people do not like questioning authority. Conformity is a normal part of our socialization, I understand. My parents rarely speak to me anymore because of my depression and refusal for more medication treatment. The last time I was medicated, I had a psychotic episode because of the medication and almost harmed myself. I do not know what to do anymore. My partner is going to leave me unless I change my thought process, but I do not know how. Everywhere I go I see nothing but negativity. Most people live superficial and simplistic lives and I cannot take that. I'm depressed about things beyond my control, things that I have no part in causing. Please help. I could really use some advice. I rarely see my family anymore because of my moods. My best-friend has not replied to my messages in six days. I see little joy and hope. I feel no emotions; pretty much a paralyzed feeling. This is mentally painful. I wake up everyday with no purpose and hope for humanity. I'm also socially awkward and shy and this is why I have little friendships.
Please Help. Wealthy advice would be much appreciated. Thank-you.
Last edited by bluekoi; Aug 02, 2015 at 08:57 PM.
Reason: Add trigger icon.
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