Enigmatic,

I know your pain. I have been there. And I too have wanted a "normal" life. But as a survivor, I have to face my past, understand how it is affecting me, and work to heal from it.

There are two things I wish I had known when I began this process. I will share them here because I think they can help you. One -- I can not heal alone. I need people to help and it is o.k. to trust enough to ask for that help.

Two -- I need to put just as much energy into living for today as I put into my healing process. While it is important to heal, it is very important to the healing process to not let the past take away the present. But you can't ignore the past. It has an impact. You have to face it, with help. One important way I do this is by keeping two journals. In one, I write all about the painful stuff, the confusion, the fears, the anger. The other journal is my "Good Stuff Only" book. In that one, I write only the good stuff about today. What I believe is good about me. What I experienced, no matter how small, that made me smile, laugh, or will be a cherished memory.

You can have your life and all the wonderful stuff that comes with being a senior, the opportunities that are ahead, the excitement of exploring the world. But don't make the mistake I did. I missed so much of that because I was too afraid to face my past, deal with the pain, and accept help from others. Because I tried to hide from it, I hid from life. And the pain got so much worse, until I almost destroyed myself.

Get help to face your past and truly put it behind you. And live for today. You can do it and we are here to help.

be well,

mtd