. I've been having urges to "mutilate" my breasts and other female parts.. I have some horrible and scary but (unfortunately) non life threatening health issues hanging over me. I want to be gone from this planet before..

..and I was not wanted even as a baby, they wanted a boy I feel as if ... If I could "remove" my female parts, I could remove myself from this planet, and remove the self that has been so hated and neglected, so without cause And I know this isn't "rational". I wish I could disappear, this world is not a friend to me, I've received too much hate and incompetence, from the "wrong" people (IRL) (telling a doctor or therapist is not an option, I don't trust them, and with good reason) (I guess I will just continue to "cope" as we are expected to do, put up and shut up, stiff upper lip, we are British, you know