I haven't been around for a while. I had a little outburst on here, for which I've made my peace with the person involved. I regret my behaviour and I apologise if I upset or offended anybody else. There is no excuse.
I started my medication back in May after a little trip to the hospital. I think I'd been taking it for 8/10weeks (1000mg depakote and 10mg Olanzapine). The impulsive/delusional stuff tapered off to nothing. The psych at my review said I seemed calmer. The weight gain was bothering me but I stuck with it. Then over ten days I started to feel like a zombie. I just couldn't do anything or think straight. I felt shut down and I could feel the depression coming. My next review with my psychiatrist isn't until October. I was told to reduce the mood stabiliser by 250mg but I panicked and stopped taking my tablets on Wednesday I think, I don't remember, my minds totally muddled. I don't want to go manic again. That was almost pretty final last time around. But the depression is far worse. I'm not sleeping again. I was told not to look back over the past 18 months or so because of the damage it will cause, but I just can't stop myself.
I feel like I've failed again. I did this last year when I started to feel shut down.
Sorry for the long post.
Toodles.