I'm deeply, deeply grateful for your comments. I'm pretty isolated right now. I guess we all feel this way at times.
I flushed everything. I went all defiant and thought I could do it alone. I'm sane enough to know now this wasn't sensible. It's a marathon not a sprint. I was told by my psych via my GP to reduce the Depakote by 250mg but I new it'd be like another 6-8 weeks before I felt a change. By then I'd have bee in the hole again. We all know what that journey is like. There were other things bothering me too. I was just left to get I with it. Nothing was ever really explained to me. I was told to go to a support group but I was manic and I didn't really want to discuss imy behaviour with strangers.
Thank you again.