T said not liking her isn't a negative thing. It can allow other things to open up between us.
As we talked T said something that caused me to feel angry and upset.
I realised what was going on in that moment.
T asked me to try and put words to what was going on. I nodded no. Then I tried to in a round about way. Trying to avoid, for now, t knowing fully what it is that I AM struggling with right now.
I did tell T I needed to dislike her because I know how she'd view the issue im struggling with and I don't have the ability to see it like she would and I'm needing to create difference between us so I can justify my thoughts at the moment. It's not that I exactly want difference, well I do and I don't. But I wish I could see this issue as she would.
I told T it's making me be 'that person'. That person I don't want to be, but I am that person!!! The best I can do is remain silent on the issue until it either resolves itself how I would wish it to do. Or at least I'm not adding to it by verbalising my feelings around it.
This was said with many tears. I will end up I expect telling T what the issue I am struggling with as a humanbeing eventually. For now I dislike who I have become concerning it.
I guess T would say " the fact I struggle with this shows my humanity". But still...