Quote:
Originally Posted by Caliope77
Hi folks.
Last time I posted, I was looking for answers to my ACOA past, and struggling with drinking and relationship issues myself. I'm still doing all those things, but with one twist: My mom passed away last year. She was the co-dependent one -- the one who never drank and tried in vain to keep all the violent drunks in our family from being violent drunks. It's been really hard to find my way without her, and today I'm having a really hard time.
Right now I'm trying to see if there's anyone else like me out there. I am a 48 year old woman, never married and no children. Mom and dad are gone (dad drank himself to death when I was 18), brother died of alcoholic-related liver cancer in 2006. No other siblings. I have a grown niece and nephew who aren't very close themselves (they have different mothers), and a couple of aunts, an uncle and several cousins. I have very little contact with my fathers's family.
My relationship has never been good, but right now it's particularly bad (mainly communication issues). My thing is, I feel so alone. I mean, really alone. I know adult orphans but usually they have siblings or children. I'm terrified of leaving this relationship because I feel he's the only thing I have left, even if it's rocky. I just feel really alone, and I wonder if there's anyone else out there in my situation.
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I definitely know what it's like to have no safe place to fall and feel stuck because it's too scary to let go. I am always fighting the good fight by myself. My family never learned to support each other and be there for each other. I have a brother who is understanding but is trying to keep himself above the bull... so his hands are full.
I did not function well in a marriage and was too scared to have kids - because of what I went through
I have a couple close friends I've been able to lean on a bit... but it's uncomfortable for me to accept the help.
Time, therapeutic support, meds, better thinking has helped me carry on. I love my friends but they really do not the depths of my history and behavior because of it.
Being here is helpful too. Keep talking to outside support - you will gain the strength to move on - they may be able to come up with ideas to manage your living environment until you can get out. Start a plan when you are up to it to get out.
I am so sorry about your mother - you know she would not want you to be miserable. Let the memories of her strength give you comfort and motivation to make the next steps.