Thanks everyone, that's really helpful
Junk, I feel like I want T to talk, ask questions, rescue me...she normally does, it feels a bit cruel that she didn't this week.

Restin, your reply was very interesting and helpful, I agree that the silence feels like rejection. Like she's fed up with me, and fed up of having to bail me out when I get stuck. I'll try to bring it up.
T often talks about my child being present in therapy, or being welcome etc, so maybe she was trying to...open up a space? But I can't handle it. I feel physically sick when I'm spacey like that, I feel like I may faint, I feel panicky that I won't get it together by the end of the session, that I'll do something or say something stupid....