I'm 20 (female) and I'm 5'6 and weight about 152. I used to weight 165 but dropped down (I starved myself) to 135 in 2 months, then when I started my first year at college I guess I lost track and gained the weight back. So now I'm 152. A few days ago I decided to lose weight and go down to 135 again, this time without the whole eating 500 calories a day and fainting part. So I use the app MyFitnessPal and it tells me to eat 1200 calories. I try my hardest to do this but its so hard when I eat foods that it doesnt have in the database so I just quick add calories that I think the food has. I weighed myself today (not in the morning, but after having yogurt and granola) and it said I am not 153. I got so angry and started getting very upset I cried. I really do NOT want to gain weight again, I got bullied for years and I hated the way I looked. Was it wrong to weight myself after eating? I get in about 4 workouts in a week (running on the elliptical for 30 min) and I do lift weights (so I'm assuming some part of this is muscle weight). Im really upset now and I want to lose weight but I'm afraid to starve myself again. I went swimming today for the first time in years and wore a bikini, and after seeing how I looked in the pictures I'm never going to swim in a bikini ever again until I slim down. It's so weird that I look fine in like normal clothes like sweats or jeans but anything else is like I'm a whole different person. Any advice?? My monthly cycle is in a month if that has anything to do with the weight I'm gaining? Like today I checked and I'm apparently 154... Does that eve make sense?

** I see a therapist and I have been for the past year and I've been diagnosed with GAD and EDNOS. **