Starving self again not the answer. Need to look at the underlying issues. Food and weight focus are not the main issue, just covering up deeper issue(s). I find the more I focus on it, the harder it is. Get yourself involved in something that will bring you joy - or better even to help bring others joy. Health will follow. That is great you are putting in workouts. That is the way to go and takes time to see result on the scale but the most important measure is not the number there on the scale. Please remember that your worth is not tied to a number on a scale. You are worth so much more than that. Be kind to yourself and gentle if that is what you need, or push yourself harder if that is what you are in need of. You are the only one who knows best what you need. But please be kind to your body and give it the nutrition it needs. Without this it will rebel and get sick, and you don't want that do you? I do know the feeling of wanting to do what you say in your post. But in perspective, not the way to go for health and happiness IMO.