I don't have time to post as much as I'd like, but my boyfriend and I recently moved into a new home, and as I'd expected, my OCD is going through hell here. Additionally, my panic is worse, too, because of the stress. Yesterday morning, I had something in my eye, which can trigger a panic attack when I can't get that something out, and I nearly lost it.

My boyfriend went away on a 10-day vacation, which I'm not really comfortable with. I didn't tell him, because he doesn't deal with my issues well, and I feel like such a burden on him, and we both get depressed. Anyway, he's also going away for a weekend or so next month, and another 10-day vacation for Thanksgiving. I worry about running out of things I need for my OCD, like paper towels and toilet paper, which I'm going through a lot of.

My OCD is so much worse here, because I don't like that the house was previously owned, used, touched. I know apartments are, too, but I feel cleaner about a well-cared for apartment. I can't touch the walls, doors, carpet, etc. I have to be careful what lands on the floor, because I can't pick it up. Cooking was always hard for my OCD, but it's much worse here.

I am close to being off my meds completely, which many of you know I've been going off them for over a year now. I want to try a vitamin treatment, but my boyfriend keeps putting off getting the vitamins. I knew my OCD would be worse once the meds were gone, but we hadn't planned on moving at the time I made the decision. I don't want to go back on the meds, and I am having some really good things going on that the meds prevented before, but the OCD is horrible.

I want to be on my own, away from everyone, not a burden. I want to deal with my OCD without having to worry about caring for someone else.

I have to do laundry tonight, and I'm anxious about that, because I haven't Clorox wiped the doorknobs to the cellar yet, plus I have to wipe the washer and dryer, too, before I can use them. I don't wipe like other people; I have to focus on getting every little spot, and it's tedious and stressful. And it takes a lot of time. Plus, I don't want to run out of Clorox Wipes before my bf comes home (Sunday), but I'm using a lot of them. I also have to take the trash out and take it over to the curb tonight. Plus I have to make sure the trash container is brought back before tomorrow evening. Dealing with trash is hard for me. I use things to protect my hands, but there's still the dust issue, and I can't protect all of me. I have to go through so much washing.

My eye allergies are so much worse since moving here. I really hate it. My eyes tear badly, and I use tissues to wipe them, but the lint from the tissues gets in my eyes, and then they get irritated and tear up more. I yawn, and my eyes water profusely. I wipe, they tear, the pressure of rubbing my eyes makes me yawn, and I tear up again. It's a vicious circle that keeps me from getting to sleep for a long time.

I just needed to get some things off my chest, but I really need to talk about my OCD issues, because my boyfriend and others in my life don't understand. Thank you.