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So, let me start out by saying I've been in a relationship with my bf for almost a year now, after previously being in an emotionally abusive one for about 8 months. My current bf is the complete opposite of the abuser.
The problem though is my mother.
She never has anything good to say about him, and I can't even mention his name around her for fear that it starts an argument. We had a 'blip' in the relationship about 3 months in, but sorted it between ourselves and continued on, however since that time my mother does nothing but pick holes and criticize him, especially to me when he isn't around. The criticism is always over such small things that most rational people wouldn't bat an eyelid at - like he stood at the fridge with the door open while taking a mouthful of water, before putting the bottle back in the fridge and closing the door. That for her was a big thing.
There are too many things that are said to list here, it would just take forever, but the reason I'm here seeking guidance is I can't take any more of this, and she won't stop, even after repeated explanations of how it's negatively affecting me.
The criticism/nagging/picking holes - whatever you want to call it - happens so frequently that it is hammering away at my health, my mental health mostly. I feel lost, like there's no way for me to stop this from happening, like it's just something I have to live with - I certainly don't want to leave my bf, and he hasn't done anything to warrant such consistent bashing all the time. It always turns into an argument because, as much as I know it doesn't help, I can't just let my mother bad-mouth him when he doesn't deserve it, and because I won't take on her opinions as my own it just makes my mother more angry and fuels more criticism.
I know what a bad relationship is, I was in one previously, so I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart that the one I have with my bf now is not bad in any shape or form. I just don't understand why my mother can't be happy for me, that I've finally found someone decent and caring, and someone that truly makes me happy.
I must note that she doesn't have any friends - but makes no attempt at making any either, even when I've offered to try to help. She always says no one would want to be friends with her because she has arthritis that slows her down while walking. I've told her that's not necessarily true and to let the person decide, not make up their mind for them, but it's like talking to a wall most days. We also lost my dad just over 10yrs ago, but she still seems to dwell on not having him around - she won't seek help/therapy for that at all, and simply insists she's "not going nuts" and won't let me try to tell her she is (even though all I did was gently suggest that she's might be a little depressed, and it might help to talk it out with someone).
What can you do when someone who's supposed to be happy for you when good things happen, is only ever miserable, and isn't happy until you're miserable too? I try to separate myself as much as possible, but then that ends up being wrong too....I can't win, and I can't live like this anymore. I'm not sure how much more I can take before I shut down completely.
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