I am so sorry about your Mom.
I know what it feels to be totally alone. Thanks for sharing this. My Mom is an alcoholic She forced my relatives, my Dad and brothers, and close family friends to choose between her or me. I lost. My husband is troubled too. Fortunately, he failed when he tried to convince my children that it was my fault that he had an affair with a girl half his age and then left me. I have my kids and my cats and friends who are not part of his wealthy successful world. I go to Cuddle Parties to hug people, and meet friends at different groups - at the end of the day, because my new friends are gentle, we get along. I still feel like an orphan. Perhaps we can start an orphanage for 50 year olds. When you join you get free hugs for life, you just have to ask. A lot of what it meant to be part of my family, and my marriage was play acting - so it is nice to not have to play a role anymore.