I just wanted to say hello to everyone. How the heck are all of you???? I am home now; for good!!!!

I will say sorry now, my mind set is not so good right now. Just ignore my negative junk. So much going on in my head right now.

Does anyone relate to this?? When things are bothering u, does all the issues from the past come and slap u in the face?? My issues from childhood, adolsence and my marriage are just haunting me. Its like everything is hitting me all at once. I made this goal, not a good one, but one that makes me feel in control. I made a goal to not eat at all, not even try. The only thing for the month of October that I told myself I can have is crackers. I made a goal to lose 40lbs by the end of this month. Its like a focus, to get away from all the stuff thats driving me insane. I keep hearing words like; "you're no good". "you'll never amount to anything". "i wish you would have died". "you are not my daughter."
I want to turn off my mind, make all the words go away. What keeps us alive anyway?? What keeps me here?? Hmmm. Thoughts are racing through my brain. I have these episodes of total excitment, like as if I cant stop moving around. I think I will explode. I will laugh so hard and my body just wont quit. Everything seems funny to me. I will makes jokes out of anything. Then this total feeling of being drained hits me like a ton of bricks. This goes on through the days. From a feeling of euphoria to a complete feeling of wanting to lay down and never move again. Its so weird, I have never had this before. What is wrong with me??? I know u cant answer this. Just venting whats in my head. LOL, I will stop now.

Justy