Sorry, I have so manys thoughts going on right now. Dont mean to be self absorbing here. I just have these fears about what it means to die. To not be in this world. What happens to those around us. I guess like just goes on doesnt it. There is a song that I like by Garth Brooks; It dont matter to the sun. It really holds true. Not sure if anyone listens to Garth but some of his music hits home. Do I even make any sense at all?? I am worried cause my kids are out of school in 3hrs. I have to get it together by then. Put on my mask. My little happy face. Then it comes time to make dinner and the same old lies. "No really, I ate a big lunch, I am not hungry." God, I am such a lying stupid waste of life. Why did God waste such a life. Why was I born??? How pathetic, I am so fricking evil. I almost took a hammer and smashed every mirror in this house. Then throw my stupid scale out the front window. I think I have completely lost my mind. I freak myself out.

just