IDM, You Do Matter. Slapping yourself with negative labels will not build you up. I am sure you are loved by your children. You matter to them. A dad is there for his kids....loving them, teaching them, setting an example. Are they grown up, yet? How do you want them to remember you?
I rarely let others see how they hurt me. I have to be reminded of things all the time. I forget. It is a fact of life for me. Give yourself credit for your efforts and small successes. Do you want to get well? You deserve it! Ok.