I can feel myself going into self destruct mode. It is like i am going to just burst or explode or anything because i cant keep it in any longer i dont want to keep hiding from people and pretending to be ok so they are happy. I want my head to stop but it wont i dont feel in control of myself anymore. I dont even know what i am doing most of the time and i cant remember anything i keep going off at the smallest things and i am so scared all the time and i cant get rid of the feeiling that people are watching and following me and that there are demons attached to me i keep dissociating and i just dont know if i want to keep trying anymore i dont know that i see the point i dont feel any real hope anymore my psychologist says things can get better but i dont believe it and also i dont know why settle for better not good nothing will ever be truly good so why do i bother.